Taking What You Want
by Mastercoop
Summary: After the death of her father and her subsequent exile, Tali seeks comfort from the one person she has left.


The engine room was dark. Alone, in the dead of the ship's artificial 'night' cycle, Tali cried. The low pulses of the _Normandy's_ drive core seemed to beat in time with her heart. Tali cried until she felt she might just fade away, and she welcomed it. Ken and Gabby had left hours before, off to sleep, saying only brief goodnights to which Tali had barely responded. The moment they were gone she had collapsed, letting out a cry of anguish she'd been holding in for hours. Though she shared the deck with an angry Krogan and an emotionally unstable biotic, she wasn't worried about them hearing. The ship's metal doors were thick enough to muffle the sobs of one depressed Quarian. Her mind wracked with grief, all she could seem to think about was one phrase.

"_As far as we can tell, the geth have killed everyone on the Alarei…_"

As though she was hearing them for the first time, the repeated words seemed to breath new life into her fears, and she dreaded what would come next. She willed the following words not to come, but knew they were true.

"_Your father included."_

A fresh wave of sobs emanated from the young woman. Tali still couldn't believe he was gone. Despite the distance he had placed between them, Rael'Zorah had still been her father. He was the only family she had left, and now he was gone. Never again would she get a message from him, as annoying as they might be, asking about her progress on some mission or a new question about the geth. She had always hated they way he had checked in on her, telling her that she needed to try harder and making sure she wasn't slacking. Thinking back, he hadn't ever even said goodbye. And on top of it all, his damn experiments had gotten her exiled. Her! Tali'Zorah _vas Normandy_, exile of the Migrant Fleet, never to set foot upon the Flotilla again. Because of that bosh'tet she was separated from her home, from her people, from everything she had ever known. It was all his fault. Keelah, if he wasn't already dead, she'd probably kill him herself.

But then she remembered the feeling of dread, like ice flooding her suit, as she slowly approached his inert body. His final message played over and over in her head. Data about the geth for Xen and Gerrel, but nothing about her. Nothing for her, not even a goodbye. She wondered which depressed her more, that he was dead, or that, in the end, fighting the geth had been more important to him than she had ever been. But none of it mattered now. He was gone, and he was never coming back. And, because of his actions, as far as the rest of her people were concerned, neither was she.

She sat in the corner of the engine compartment, the lights from her console illuminating the otherwise darkened room. She didn't know how long she been sitting there, just… crying. She looked around for a moment, and suddenly she couldn't bare to be in the engine room another second. She felt that if she stayed there any longer, she might just explode, so she pulled herself to her feet and raced from the room, sealing the door behind her. Now out by the stairwell to Jack's sub-deck, her mind shifted for the first time that evening from the agonizing and infuriating thoughts of her father and her exile, to something beyond. Technically, she realized, her father's reckless experiments hadn't separated from everything she had cared about. She still had one thing left, if only she could claim it.

Instantly invigorated with an energy she didn't even recognize, she found herself making her way towards the elevator. She punched the up button, and a moment later she was rising up, and she told herself she was leaving her thoughts of her father below.

A few moments passed and soon the elevator doors slid apart with a 'woosh' and Tali exited quickly. Not bothering to knock, she used her omni-tool to hack the door to Shepard's cabin and, for good measure, she decided to silence EDI's comm system and deactivate her cameras. Alarms and firewalls flashed on her omni-tool, but she was determined, and a moment later all the cameras, microphones and speakers in Shepard's quarters went dark. A second later the cabin door, just like the elevator a moment before, opened with a woosh and Tali walked inside, locking it behind her.

Shepard was sitting on his couch, staring contemplatively into his fish tank when Tali entered. At the sound of the doors opening he stood up rapidly, extremely taken aback to have someone barging into his cabin. Cries of alarm and outrage died in his throat however, when he saw who it was breaking into his cabin so late at night, and his expression quickly shifted into one of concern.

"Tali," he said, his voice quiet but surprised. He was about to say more, to ask what was wrong, but her next action silenced him in an instant.

Reaching up, Tali quickly undid the seals on her mask, and with a click and a hiss, she removed it and tossed it aside. They stared into each other's eyes for the briefest moment, and then, before either of them had time to think, before Shepard even had time to fully comprehend what had happened, she moved forward, reaching up, putting her hands on either side of his face and pulling it towards hers.

Their lips met, and for a moment, neither of them could think. And then, with the air of a man suddenly remembering who he was, Shepard pulled away.

"Tali, what the hell is going on?" he asked, staring agape at the Quarian in front of him. Her eye's never left his, and for the first time, Shepard fully realized that he was seeing Tali's face for the first time. He forgot everything else, suddenly entranced by the woman before him. "You're beautiful…" he whispered, forgetting himself.

That was all it took, and a moment later she was on him again, her lips pressing against his, her arms finding their way around his back. Shepard followed her lead, his hands making their way to her waist. She pushed him back, and they both landed on his bed, their bodies still entwined. Her lips went after his, hungrily, with a desperation. After a moment, they broke apart as she pushed him down, his back to the sheets, climbing on top of him. Their breath was coming fast and shallow as she leaned down, and Shepard's head rose to meet hers midway. Their lips connected, and she pressed herself against him.

Through the haze in his mind, Shepard knew something was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to realize why. Perhaps it was her hands, which were currently making their way across his chest, that were distracting him, or maybe it was the way the heat from her mouth seemed to be spreading all across his body. Reluctantly, he broke his lips away from Tali's to speak, a process made somewhat more difficult as Tali's lips continued attempting to press themselves against his. Between kisses, the phrases "what about" and "immune system?" could be heard. Instead of answering, Tali pressed her lips to his with renewed vigor, as though she thought at any moment he might just disappear in a puff of smoke and leave her alone again. "Tali?" asked Shepard again, a bit more forcefully, though still speaking during the brief moments when their lips weren't meeting.

This time it was Tali's voice that, between kisses, broke through the sound of their bodies moving together. "I don't care." she said, before making to once again capture Shepard's mouth with hers. Shepard however, pushed her away, staring into her eyes.

"How can you say that?" he asked, shocked. "You once told me that a Quarian could _die_ of a suit rupture. I'm pretty sure that taking your mask off and kissing me has to be just as dangerous."

Tali's eyes bore into his, with passion beyond longing. "I don't care. I want you, Shepard." She pulled herself close to him again, her mouth achingly close to his, her warm breath playing across his face. "I want this."

Shepard placed a hand on her shoulder, pushing her away again. He looked at her, trying to understand. "But you could die, Tali. I can't risk that." He tried to stand, to get up from the bed, when Tali grabbed him.

"I don't care if I die!" she shouted, pulling him around to stare into his eyes. She moved her hands to his chest, and her voice dropped to a whisper. "I need this." Her eyes, alight in the dark, un-obscured for the first time, seemed to gaze into his very soul. "I need you." On her uncovered face, Shepard could see the tears on her cheeks. "I need a home."

"Oh, Tali," he said, pulling her too him, and suddenly she was crying again, head on his shoulder, her whole body wracked with sobs.

"I don't have a home, Shepard," she said after a few minutes had passed, though still through tears. "My father is dead, gone forever, and I can never go back either. We might as well both be dead!"

"No," said Shepard, shaking his head even as she continued crying into his shoulder, "never say that. Don't ever even think that. I don't know what I would do without you."

Tali seemed not to have heard him. "What am I going to do now?" she asked exasperatedly, managing to give out a small humorless chuckle even as she continued crying.

"I don't know Tali," said Shepard, still holding her close. "but you can't give up. Not ever. If you can't do it for you, then for the people who care about you."

"Like you?" Tali asked, letting out another mirthless laugh. "Keelah, what you must think of me, barging in here like this, practically-" She stopped midsentence as the full ramifications of what had just happened, of what she had just done, hit her. She stopped crying, paled like a ghost, and shot from the bed like a ship at FTL. She stared at him for a moment, white as a sheet, and then she was rambling, like she always did when she was nervous. "Keelah, what have I done! My mask! Where is it? And you! I must have made you feel so uncomfortable. This is the worst thing I've ever done. It's so unprofessional. I am so sorry Shepard." As she said all of this she was searching all around his cabin for her mask, which she still hadn't found. Shepard couldn't help but laugh as she cursed under her breath. "Where are you, you little bosh'tet? Oh, Keelah, I don't suppose we can just pretend this never happened." As though remembering that Shepard could still hear her, she stopped looking for her mask and turned just in time to see him rise from the bed, mask in hand, and walk over to her. He placed a hand on her check, a sad smile on his face.

"Tali'Zorah _vas Normandy_," he said, placing emphasis on the last two words, "you already have a home, or did you forget? I might not have been able to stop those bastards from exiling you, but I still meant what I said. I didn't represent one of their people, I represented one of mine." He handed her the mask with one hand and gripped hers tightly with his other, his gaze never leaving her face.

"I wouldn't blame you if-" began Tali quickly, still coming to terms with what Shepard had just said. "I mean, after what I just did, but, you still…?" She looked at Shepard questioningly, and he simply nodded, smiling at her. Tears began to well up in her eyes again. "Oh, thank you," she said, "you don't know what that… Thank you."

They stood for a moment, simply looking at one another, before Shepard spoke again. "And as for the other part of what you said, well, did I really seem uncomfortable to you a few minutes ago?"

Tali thought for a moment, blushing as she remembered the feel of his mouth on hers, and the way he had responded to her advances, pulling her closer. "No," she said finally, looking into his eyes. "I don't supposed you did."

Shepard smiled. "And did you ever stop to think that maybe I want this-" he squeezed her hand tightly as he spoke, "just as much as you do?"

"Really?" asked Tali, a spark of hope in her eyes. "But I didn't think- I mean, you never said-"

"I admit it, I was dragging my feet," interrupted Shepard, smiling sheepishly. "I wasn't sure you'd feel the same way, and I didn't want to create any awkward situations that might endanger the mission. Luckily one of us had the nerve to make the first move."

Tali laughed, her first genuine sign of happiness since returning from the _Alarei_. "Keelah Shepard, how could you have ever doubted it? I mean, you practically swept me off my feet when I was just a young girl on her pilgrimage, saving me from Fist's men the way you did, and then you let me follow you on a mission to go off and _save the galaxy_!" She lowered her voice as she spoke, her tone seductive. "How could I have possibly developed any interest in you?"

Hearing her talk like this, coupled with the look in her uncovered eyes, Shepard was having a hard time keeping himself off of her at this point, but then he remembered why they had stopped in the first place. Reluctant to hide her eyes behind that mask again, but knowing it was for her own good, Shepard looked down to the mask in her hand.

As if sensing what he was thinking, Tali spoke. "I don't want to put it back on," she said, her voice full of sadness and longing. "I want to take this whole damn suit off and be with you."

"Not like this," said Shepard, his voice mirroring her tone, "as much as we both might want to. You're still hurting from losing your father, I don't want you to use me just to try and cope with that loss, it isn't fair to either of us. And besides, it's too dangerous for us to jump into it like this. We need to think about this, to plan." He smiled at her. "It can't be that uncommon for a Quarian to have a relationship with another race?"

"No," said Tali, more angry than ever about her people' stupidly weak immune systems. "But in those cases, everything is happening outside the suit. Nerve stimulation programs and such. I don't want that." She moved closer to him, her face once again only inches from his, her voice aching with longing. "I want you. To feel your skin on mine. To share myself with you, completely."

Listening to her words, Shepard was once again having a hard time restraining himself, but this time her reached down, gently pushing Tali's hand upward, moving her mask towards her face. She frowned, and Shepard was reminded that once her mask was back on, he wouldn't be able to see her expressions anymore. This observation did not make things any easier.

"One last kiss?" she asked, quietly, her glowing eyes staring longingly into his.

"One _more_ kiss," replied Shepard, and in an instant, his hand was at her back, and they held each other close, their lips together again. After much too short a time, they broke apart. "Not last," he said, his voice now filled with the same longing as hers. "Never say last."

And finally, with one last glance into each other's eyes, Tali returned the mask to her face. There was a metallic 'click,' and it was back in place. Shepard was just able to make out her eyes behind the deep purple of her visor. It wasn't nearly the same.

They both stood around for a moment, awkwardly, until Tali spoke. "Umm," she said tentatively, still nervous. "Would you mind if- I mean, if it wouldn't bother you- If I just, stayed here tonight?" She paused, her hand once again griping his. "I don't want to be alone."

"Of course," said Shepard, walking towards his bed, with Tali following closely behind.

"I'll have to go and see Dr. Chakwas in the morning," said Tali, who was already beginning to feel the effects of her rash decision to remove her mask. "My immune system is already making a fuss."

"Are you ok?" asked Shepard, concerned. "We can go see Chakwas now if you need to."

"I'm ok, Shepard," she said happily, putting her arms around him. "I'm with you."

And with that, the pair laid down on Shepard's bed, their arms around each other. After a moment Shepard spoke again. "What are you going to tell her?" he asked, curiously.

"I could just tell her the truth," replied Tali mischievously, "that in a fit of rash emotion I hacked my way into the captain's quarters and proceeded to have my way with him. She'd never believe it."

The pair laughed, and soon they were drifting off to sleep comfortably in each other's arms.


End file.
